@lgbk44: as a kid, I used to think $1,000 was a lot of money. But now that I'm an adult, I think it's a tremendous amount of money
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@paperphotoyo: When a man falls asleep next to me, I like to sniff his arm pit. Then he usually gets mad, I have to ride a different bus, it's a big mess.
@GrantTanaka: when the doctor starts putting on latex gloves at your next physical, a fun thing to do is to whip out your own pair & put them on too
@JackieluvsUK: Gonna start feeding my dog condoms, so when she poops they're already in tiny little bags!
@JoeBerkowitz: I'd watch Pimp My Ride: One Year Later, a show about people coming to terms with maintaining a fish tank and waffle-maker in a Ford Fiesta.