@AmericanGent69: As a kid I'd watch Price is Right and think ha that sucks he won furniture. Now I'm like, wow I can really use a new bedroom set.
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@Fred_Delicious: **You're through to 911, dial 1 for human cops, dial 2 for lobster cops** [smashes 2 frantically while crayfish tries to break down my door]
@filth_waste: how are we gonna sell our car this year? how about a commercial where the car is driving around on roads. great work everyone time for lunch
@chunkypony: *leaves one gummy bear in the packet* i'm letting you live so you can go back to your king and tell him to send the rest of his troops
@AndyAsAdjective: WIFE: omg Will Smith's son, Jaden, is dead ME: where'd you see that? W: Facebook M: I'm pretty sure that's a hoax W: no Facebook is real