@AmericanGent69: As a kid I'd watch Price is Right and think ha that sucks he won furniture. Now I'm like, wow I can really use a new bedroom set.
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@SaraMansford: I wish scientists could make us as indestructible as cartoons. I've got a list of people I'd like to drop an anvil on.
@AlexRogaski: [On couch, notices it's 6pm] Luckily I don't have to pick up the kids from the Christmas party until 8. *Notices it's February* OH SHIT
@JohnMayer: I understand that t-shirt guns exist but what about shooting pants at people? This seems useful too
@That_Damn_Duck: How I wear a scarf: 1. Take scarf and drape it over my shoulder 2. Find an annoying co-worker and choke them to death with it. 3. Repeat