@JennyJohnsonHi5: As a kid my mom laughed at me because I was always worrying about being shot with a crossbow while on the toilet. Well who's laughing now?
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@TeaAndCopy: [SPELLING BEE] JUDGE: Tim, your word is "Oak" TIM: [deep breath] Ok *BUZZER* T: What th– J: So close! It's O-'A'-K T: But… J: Hard luck, kid
@juskewitch: If I see a parked car with one of those stick figure family things, I always add a sticker of myself to it and then just wait in the car.
@HatfieldAnne: “Just how serious are you about keeping me as a customer?” *slides hand across table to take a second promotional pen