@mattingebretson: As a kid on summer nights I'd capture fireflies in a jar then show them to my father and say "please buy me a sega this does nothing for me"
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@weirdralph: My son keeps running around naked, so I sprayed him with Windex. It's supposed to prevent streaking.
@BobTheSuit: The self-checkout screen says "Finish and pay." I feel like I'm with an irritable hooker.
@WheelTod: [Raiding ISIS Safehouse] Green leader: Area secured. Over Me: Apple Turn. Over GL: Wha Me: Extreme make. Over GL: Take that guy out too
@upsidedowntrash: ME: [outlining corpse] I need other chalk CHIEF: Just use white M: Permission to speak freely C: Go on M: How can I draw the hair w/o yellow