@mattingebretson: As a kid on summer nights I'd capture fireflies in a jar then show them to my father and say "please buy me a sega this does nothing for me"
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@Adar79Angie: I sat down beside this guy in a diner, every time he went to take a bite of his sandwich I'd say nomnomnom. He left. Making friends is hard.
@shegotagronk: Shout out to my drug dealer Jamal, he's taught me more about the metric system than any of my teachers ever did.
@runolgarun: *TSA officer opens my suitcase, disembodied fist pops out and punches him* me: sry sir I forgot I packed a powerful punch *TSA guns me down*
@GingerHotDish: [police interrogation room] Officer: you've been identified as the runner who.. Me: Let me stop you right there.