@scenesfromahat: As a man, I honor Christopher Columbus every day of the year by refusing to ask for directions.
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@caliraingirl: I love the smell of fabric softener through the outside vents when people do the laundry. I get a lot of restraining orders though.
@ShittyComedian: When you said coke I assumed you meant cocaine. No thank you. Soda is bad for you.
@jngraphs: Another normal evening Cook food - 30 minutes Eat it - 5 minutes Check Facebook - 1 minute Check Twitter - 8 hours
@Mr_Kapowski: 7 y/o daughter: Why don't they have tape for your burrito but you could eat the tape? And now I know what Einstein's parents felt like