@scenesfromahat: As a man, I honor Christopher Columbus every day of the year by refusing to ask for directions.
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@AdamTheLobster: Cop: your under arrest Me: you're* under arrest 2nd Cop: [handcuffing 1st cop] sorry Ed, but he's right
@d_duhwit: Possum man Possum man Does the 1 thing a possum can Trouble looms Over head He gets scared And plays dead Look out it's just the possum man
@JermHimselfish: I need to hire someone to follow me around and abruptly drag a needle across a record every time that I enter a room.