@TheTweetOfGod: As a rule, if the number of genders allowed to drive in your country is less than two, you live in an awful country.
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@simoncholland: [sitting at a table] Wife: writes number on paper and slides it across. Me: crosses out and writes new number *thermostat negotiations*
@PaperWash: lucifer: let's give them free will and see how they choose God: nice lol I'm gunna steal your idea and send you to hell lucifer: what?
@Bacon_Ball: You can tell a lot by the way a woman walks. Like if she walks away, she's probably not into you.
@jonnysun: GOD: [reviewing solar system] hmm… i'll give it 5 stars EARTH: [imediately starts screamig due to masive gravitational pull of 4 new stars]