@eliyudin: "As a side dish to your burrito would you like all the things that are inside the burrito, again?" - Mexican restaurants
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@matt___nelson: [Hot Wheels cars zooming through entire house] "I SWEAR TO GOD KAREN IF YOU DISCONNECT ANY PART OF THIS TRACK I'M DIVORCING YOU"
@breatheandlove: On the news: there's a shortage of maternity-ward staff. You could say it's a bit of a…*looks away* *mumbles* MIDWIFE crisis! (…sorry.)
@kingstonstreet: The pen is mightier than the sword. Unless you have like three followers then go with the sword