@eliyudin: "As a side dish to your burrito would you like all the things that are inside the burrito, again?" - Mexican restaurants
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@SteveSuckington: [walks into Halloween party with a hot dog taped to my head] "What are you supposed to be?" ME: I'm not wearing a costume
@dannyboy7813: [Getting phone call from the School] Teacher: I'm afraid I have to inform you, your son was in a fight. M: Did he win? T: That's not really relevant. M: It is to the winner.
@Pumpkinbabypie: Thin eyeliner today. *left one goes fatter *right one goes fatter *left one goes fatter *right one goes fatter *covers entire face.