@BrosConfessions: "As a student the most comforting words you'll ever hear are " I haven't started either"
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@briangaar: HELLO 911, I NEED TO REPORT A HALO SCORE THAT'S "CRIMINALLY" HIGH LOL!!!! ... yes you can talk to my mom
@amyjcordova: Bartender: What can I get you, gorgeous? Me: The blood of all my enemies. Bartender: Me: Bartender: Me: Miller Light
@markleggett: My views are my own, although they're heavily based on some stuff Jon Stewart said on TV last night, and the general vibe of the internet.
@TrueTorontoGirl: Cop: Have you been drinking or are you on any drugs? Me: Whoa, one question at a time, dude.