@KizerBillhelm: As a white person, I have a primal fear of getting lost in the snow.
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@GaryJanetti: Just saw you on the beach and think you might look better in something that covers you a bit more. Like your car.
@TweetPotato314: Me: *Calls wife* Hey, did you know that cats use their whiskers to see if they can fit through places. Wife: Yeah, is this why your calling me? Me: Haha no, I’m stuck in the chimney.
@daemonic3: As an ultimate act of selflessness, someday I will travel to a 3rd world country and adopt a small, less fortunate highway.
@UncleDuke1969: Receptionist: "That lady in the waiting room is picking her nose." Plastic Surgeon: "Good! That'll save me some time. Send her right in."