@KizerBillhelm: As a white person, I have a primal fear of getting lost in the snow.
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@kashanacauley: What we've learned from this skittles incident is that we should all stop eating refugees.
@Tommytoughstuff: "Not all guys wearing Flannel shirts are Lumberjacks." *hits tree with axe* " Take me for example. I just hate trees."
@HairyJew4Life: Me: Why does it take you forever to text me back? *3 hours later* Her: What are you talking about?
@WHEREISWALTJNR: I want to be featured on the news and the caption below me to read *unintelligible screaming*.