@jbryantiii: As a young child my mom told me I could be anything I wanted to be. It turns out that the police call this identity theft.
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@o__0Dev: I suffer from premature procrastination. It’s when you procrastinate before even receiving a task...
@DurtMcHurtt: *Asks soulmate* What is your dream car and why? Minivan, because the sliding door <joining in> MAKES IT EASIER FOR DRIVE-BY BAZOOKA ATTACKS
@ventivodkacran: ...and the award for best lead actress in a dramatic role goes to me for "I Have A Sinus Infection, Why Don't You Care That I'm Dying"