@jbryantiii: As a young child my mom told me I could be anything I wanted to be. It turns out that the police call this identity theft.
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@silent_musings: Next time you see someone you don't like, begin conversation with "I see the assassins have failed."
@RidiculousSheri: *me looking at a police lineup* Number 3 is cute. OMG Is he single? Give him my number! What? Oh. Right. Five. Number 5 killed my grandpa.
@Manda_like_wine: What's the proper salutation to use when writing a resignation letter to your children?