@_SingleBabyMama: As an adult very few things are less humiliating than being caught in public trying to be cute for a selfie.
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@jeffswarens: Boss: Everyone is behind schedule and making excuses. Does everybody here think I'm an idiot Me: Don't ask. They swore me to secrecy.
@LizHackett: I just want to be wealthy enough to leave notes for the house-sitter like "If the puma seems restless, let him splash in the Jacuzzi a bit."
@DeepDarkFear: "Hate it when I think of her and suddenly we're teleported to a picturesque location, and have to dance to a random love song." - Indians
@drinksmcgee: Trojan’s next commercial should just be a guy saying “See?” while pointing at my kids when they’re fighting over a cookie.