@miffedmim: As an introvert, having a special place in hell reserved just for me sounds rather nice.
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@Kyle_Lippert: "What do we call this war?" "The World War?" "No. There's already been 1 of those" "Uh this is a world war, too" *the streetlights explode*
@RudeComedian: Me: Mom...Dad. I've decided to live on my own from now on. Parents: ok, cool. Me: Your luggage is outside
@DaHess1: Pizza will never tell you you're fat unless you're high as shit, then pizza is probably suggesting you fight an aardvark to lose weight.
@McKnightyBoo: My 17yo pretends he doesn't understand how the washer works when I ask him to do the laundry Congrats, you're finally a man