@miffedmim: As an introvert, having a special place in hell reserved just for me sounds rather nice.
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@Eric_Bader: I overheard someone say all Asians are ninjas. I would've told him how racist that sounded but he was black and I didn't want to get mugged.
@ericsshadow: [answers phone during job interview] What's the address here? The Pizza Hut guy can't find me.
@TheMichaelRock: The best part about Christmas Eve is when grandma gets drunk and tries to fight everyone.