@SandyEggoMonk: As I get older, I'm really just looking for Girls Gone Mild.
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@stephenjmolloy: Waiter: "I'm afraid your credit card has been declined." Me: "Try this one." W: "This is a blood donor card." M: "Take as much as you need."
@Just_Lee_: A lot of people are only alive because I shed too much hair to ever get away with murder.
@teacup_giraffe: You go for a run then post your route to Facebook. I dig a hole on that route then cover it with sticks and leaves. We both get exercise.