@SandyEggoMonk: As I get older, I'm really just looking for Girls Gone Mild.
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@CakeThrottle: My coworker is pregnant and they passed a card around and I didn't know what to write so I just put HAVE A GOOD BABY TANYA
@Ali_Kourani: “Are you sexually active?” [Flashback to that one time I sat in a chair a girl was just sitting in and it still felt warm.] “Yes.”
@faizziy: My friend is mad at me because I saw her using a huge tablet to make a call so I offered her a gas cylinder to light her cigarette..
@Ygrene: [being murdered by neighbor] *I pretend not to see him so I don’t have to make small talk*