@johnnyw1981: As I lay my phone down to sleep, I pray my brain won't think of tweets. If I die before I wake, I pray and hope my phone to break.
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@Matt_The_1st: Cop: you know why I pulled you over? Me: You thought I was black? Cop: Haha. Yep. You're free to go sir
@novicefather: Meant to type "Lmaoooo" but left off the "L" and now she thinks I'm singing the praises of The People's Republic.
@smarick: IF I HAD A NICKLE EVERY TIME A GOP OFFICIAL CALLED TRUMP'S BEHAVIOR "UNACCEPTABLE" BUT ACCEPTED HIM AS NOMINEE I COULD START A FAKE COLLEGE