@johnnyw1981: As I lay my phone down to sleep, I pray my brain won't think of tweets. If I die before I wake, I pray and hope my phone to break.
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@thenatewolf: Ugh your paleontologist friend is coming? He's so boring! Don't worry, I have a plan to keep him distracted *pulls out seven layer dip*
@brycoo: [HR office] Do you know why we called you in today? To give me a pay rise? No. Because I googled 'How to burn down office' 600 times? Yes.
@kumailn: So is tomorrow the day Trump & all his supporters say "April Fools!" & we get our country back?