@gibbet: As I stood there looking at my naked body in the mirror, I thought to myself ............I'm gonna get thrown out of ikea in a minute..
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@amelialikesyou: In conclusion, members of the board, I'm sorry I brought the wrong USB, & thank you for your feigned interest in my sesame street PowerPoint
@UnFitz: Wildflowers are just regular flowers that go clubbing until 4 a.m. and snort coke off of each other's tramp stamps.
@dshack8: "Well, I guess I'll stagger around, speak gibberish, & touch all the shit I'm not supposed to while you get irritated." Drunks & toddlers.