@gibbet: As I stood there looking at my naked body in the mirror, I thought to myself ............I'm gonna get thrown out of ikea in a minute..
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@TheToddWilliams: Daddy, where do oranges come from? Well son, when a red and a yellow really love each other...
@IrishVin: My neighbour finally confronted me about clothes missing from her washing line. I nearly shit her pants.
@stephenjmolloy: Dude: You got a light? Me: Sure. *hand him a flashlight* Dude: I mean for my cigarette. Me: Yeah, he can use it.