@bingowings14: As I walk through the valley of the Shadow of Death, I remind myself that you can't always trust Google Maps.
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@WilliamRodgers: Me: I only smoke weed because of Cancer. Mom: You don't have Cancer! Me: So it's working...
@Schmoodles: My new boyfriend says the cutest things, like "Who are you?" and "Why are you hiding outside my house?" and "My wife is calling the police."
@alive_and_dying: One day, when you least expect it, every single one of your problems will finally be gone. Oddly enough, so will you.
@sozjalltheway: Just spent a nice relaxing hour on facebook, writing "you Two look fantastic!!" on all weekend selfies with three girls or more in it.