@DestineyLynn: As I was going through my wallet for a second I thought I got robbed... And then I remembered I got gas.
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@iGreenMonk: I told the bank teller that I was changing banks & wanted to open an account "Great. What's the name of your former bank?" I said, "Piggy"
@Karissajem: Me: I'm quitting to go play guitar for Metallica. Boss: Wow! I wasn't aware that you even played guitar. Me: Let's not make this difficult.