@DestineyLynn: As I was going through my wallet for a second I thought I got robbed... And then I remembered I got gas.
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@mollymcnearney: Okay body wash, unless you're caffeinated and drinkable, you can cool it with the "energizing" claims. You're soap.
@TheGladStork: When rapping in my car, I hold my phone to my ear so passersby think I'm on an intense business call.
@VinnyPisciotta1: Good is the enemy of great. Sponge is the enemy of math. Metaphysics is the enemy of Walmart.
@SortaBad: *practices like 1000 times in the mirror* [at Starbucks] "One grander none-fatty flaparinno" barista: ... "I'll try again tomorrow"