@DestineyLynn: As I was going through my wallet for a second I thought I got robbed... And then I remembered I got gas.
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@daemonic3: Sweetie, who is this bully stealing your pudding cup before school?!? "Mom, it's-" *dad makes throat slice gesture* "No one, Mom. No one"
@LackOfShame: Boss: Just spend the company's money with the same discretion as you would your own. Me: I understand. *bankrupts the company
@Ygrene: [being murdered at work] Me: *being murdered* Murderer: *murdering me* Boss: let me know how I can help (it is unclear who he’s talking to)
@MollySneed: I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with the hope that it might magically solve her problems.