@becks_bradley: As it turns out, "harder" is a horrible safe word.
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@Dee_Aye_Bee: *getting murdered* First time? *sighs* You'll want to lacerate my abdominal aorta. *sighs, puts hand on the bottom of my ribcage* It's here.
@shawnspree: Me: (Insert inspirational quote here) Wife: Wow. That's deep, who said that? Me: I did. Didn't you hear me speak just now?
@HavocMantis: *at bank* I always think it's funny when I go to the bank because my last name is Banks Teller: "haha. First name?" *Pulls out gun* Robin
@murrman5: [roommate watching me get ready] dont take that with you "why not" why would you "it'll be fine" [hour into date and I spill my bag of ants]