@becks_bradley: As it turns out, "harder" is a horrible safe word.
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@Marlebean: When a child whines and cries, you give it back to the mama, so... *hands husband back to my mother-in-law*
@ActingAnEejit: It's illegal to tie your children to things but you can basically do the same by buying them a phone with a short charger and a bad battery.
@TheDrunkStory: "I don't understand why people try to act drunk. I spend most of my time trying to act sober." - Florida State
@indecision: New healthcare plan in case Obamacare is defunded: the entire country pays for hospital bills by cooking meth.