@AGreaterMonster: As it turns out you cannot recharge your cell plugging it in to an electric eel. I'm just glad this aquarium had a paramedic on duty.
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@notalogin: [2 Humans who definitely aren't lizard people at Denny's] 1: I sure am glad they don't have newt brain on the menu 2: Right on, fellow human
@Parkerlawyer: Broke my make-up mirror this morning. I thought people would say 7 yrs of bad luck but mostly it's been, "Your eyeliner is really crooked."
@SteveSuckington: [blind date] "I'm like, really good at *looks on hand* making the sex" -did you just read that off your hand? "Hey! You're not blind!"
@VicFuture: Why its called 'having your period' and not 'rolling out the red carpet ' I'll never know.