@DannyZuker: As my friend confessed, "My teenage daughter never even talks to me," I struggled to conceal my jealousy.
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@Home_Halfway: I always like seeing those "Baby on Board" stickers because it's nice to see agreeable babies out there.
@imteddybless: [cool person follows me] me: ok I gotta bring my A game now it's only good tweets from here me 5 mins later: horses r just big dogs ?
@HomeProbably: Relationship status: My neighbour/girlfriend was kidnapped but she's ok now, I was caught.
@robdelaney: ME WATCHING OLYMPIC EVENT: “Holy shit that was amazing!” COMMENTATOR: “Ooh, that was not good at all. He must really be upset with himself.”