@DannyZuker: As my friend confessed, "My teenage daughter never even talks to me," I struggled to conceal my jealousy.
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@alfageeek: 9: My room is clean. Me: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
@careworn: When a guy wearing cargo pants hits on me I'm tempted to go out with him just to see how many of my belongings I can fit into his pockets.
@CornOnTheGoblin: ♫ she's just a small time girl workin at Jurassic Woooorld opened a raptor cage now they're everywhere ♫