@catcerveny: As my mother-in-law and I fight to the death for her son's love, I sometimes think to myself, "This may be the worst prize ever."
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@biggarf: I wasn't good enough for you in high school but suddenly after 5 kids a husband and 3 boyfriends I'm starting to look good eh?
@ShaeAaron: "I'm sorry. I haven't had sex for a very long time." -- and other things I say during the meeting to excuse my bad behavior.
@adultblackmale: if you told 18 year old me that in 10 years i'd be thinkin about harriet tubman on 4/20 instead of weed, i'd have said "whos harriet tubman"