@catcerveny: As my mother-in-law and I fight to the death for her son's love, I sometimes think to myself, "This may be the worst prize ever."
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@Sassafrantz: I found out why I'm still single. Apparently, you have to go outside and let people see you.
@ojedge: [Blackstreet Bakery] Me: [watching the baker kneading dough] "I love the way you work it" Baker: "No diggity?" Me: "Baguette up."
@3sunzzz: The closest I've ever come to being a 'hunter and gatherer' is opening my own pistachios.
@iphone420s: me: better check my phone for texts from friends me: *checks phone* me: better get some friends