@catcerveny: As my mother-in-law and I fight to the death for her son's love, I sometimes think to myself, "This may be the worst prize ever."
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@GlennyRodge: "My dog's learning to speak a foreign language." "Español?" "No, he's a labrador."
@ericsshadow: THERAPIST: what's the problem? WIFE: he replaces words with animal names just to annoy me ME: I don't do it on porpoise
@QwertyJones3: [texting] So what's your name? "ily" omg this is moving too fast. ILY: (yelling) IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN MOM, WHY DID YOU NAME ME THAT?
@OhNoSheTwitnt: You know how dogs think, when you leave, that you're never coming back? That's how I feel when I leave the house for work every morning.