@michaelianblack: As new head of Westboro Baptist Church, I'm expanding who God hates. To start: delivery guys, vegetarians, and people who do Sudoku.
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@karencreets: When I see a car with a Romney bumper sticker driving near a car with an Obama sticker I want them to turn into transformers & battle
@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: Why are we here? Me: Philosophers still don't know 5: No, why are we HERE Wife: Your dad is lost and won't ask for directions
@Marlebean: A "clear memory" button, but for my brain. And while we're at it, a "delete cookies" button, but for my thighs.