@robdelaney: As of last night my mom has more Aerosmith tattoos than my sister again. For now anyway.
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@heatherlou_: These people act like they've never seen a woman eat a whole rotisserie chicken before.
@KentWGraham: How come I need a complex, indecipherable password to get on Twitter but only a 4-digit number to remove all my money from an ATM?
@Jandalize: My daughter's boyfriend left his wallet here. I put girls names & numbers in it. Later today I'll ask my daughter if he has change for a $20
@CroweJam: My wife's favorite position is the one where I lie very still wearing nothing but a toe tag and she starts dating again.