@robdelaney: As of last night my mom has more Aerosmith tattoos than my sister again. For now anyway.
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@TheCiscoKidder: Choose your pet name wisely because you'll be yelling it out in your neighborhood if you lose them. *uses falsetto voice* MR. SMOOCHES!!
@vodkachops1: Today TO DO list: 1) vacuum huge spider in living room✔️ 2) panic✔️ 3)throw vacuum cleaner outside✔️ 4)buy new spiderless vacuum
@bullfrog_1979: Taking viagra for my sunburn. Doesn't cure it but it keeps the sheets off of my legs at night!
@SteveSuckington: [approaches parent with child on a leash] "Mind if I pet your dog?" Hey that's my son! "Oh my bad. Mind if I pet your son?"