@ComedicBust: As soon as I get to a party, I start saying goodbye; that way I'm out of there within 4 hours.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@delusionaliam: I always carry a clump of my hair in my pocket so when people say "I like your haircut", I can respond with, "Thanks, here, have some."
@BigOlBossman: WAITER: soup or salad? CLARK KENT: *sweating nervously* just a REGULAR salad for a REGULAR guy please ha ha. nothing super about it...
@imence2: I always take my kids on vacation during drug awareness week...because there's just some things they should learn from their dad.
@FrenulumBreve: *Britney Spears releases a new fragrance* *the other dinner guests look embarrassed and pretend not to notice.*