@ComedicBust: As soon as I get to a party, I start saying goodbye; that way I'm out of there within 4 hours.
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@CorkyCrash: 11's thoughts on tonight's dinner: "Well, it didn't make me gag, so I ate it." The rewards of motherhood are truly breathtaking.
@GerryMcBride: Judas: The one I kiss is Jesus Christ. Soldier: You can just point to him. Judas: (putting on lip-balm) I don't tell you how to do your job.
@better_off_dad: God: I made a rainbow! Devil: I'm making all the fire alarm batteries die in the middle of the night.