@ComedicBust: As soon as I get to a party, I start saying goodbye; that way I'm out of there within 4 hours.
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@StarksWeek: How did we go from crappy gas station coffee to "Yes I'll pay $7 for you to put that in a cup for me"?
@trojansauce: [aquaman origin story] *falls out of boat* help! im drowni- oh... no, im good, actually
@Sam_Alan33: MARRIAGE PROPOSAL TIP: Get down on 1 knee. Ok, now the other. Great! Lie flat on your face. Quickly roll away don't get married you idiot.
@MiddleageM: My husband fell asleep while watching Memento...was shocked to find "remember to NOT trust your wife" written on his forehead with a Sharpie