@IAmKatieOrr: As soon as they heard the flush, my phone interview took a drastic turn.
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@Phoebetate: To the squirrel carrying the mushroom up a tree to his nest: you may want to eat that with your feet firmly on the ground, buddy.
@ericsshadow: HER: your phone is exacerbating our problems *i pick up my phone* HER: your behavior is untenable "hold on I'm still googling exacerbate"
@UNTRESOR: Avoid unwanted pregnancies by using the "pull out" method where you pull out an acoustic guitar at a party & no one will have sex with you.
@thatUPSdude: Don't you hate when somebody gives you the finger in traffic and then you have to follow them home and loosen the lug nuts on their wheels.