@SCBamaMan: As soon as you see the cop approaching, throw the bag of weed in his hands and do a citizen's arrest.
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@HatfieldAnne: Tell me again how I unloaded the dishwasher too loudly when you were watching golf. Detectives will want to know exactly how this went down.
@CopBroughtPizza: pet owner's tip: glue the very tip of your cat's tail to the center of their back to make a convenient cat-carrying handle.
@jonnysun: BERNIE: all people deserve to be treated equally HILLARY: the oposite of "bernie sanders" is "soakey waterers" BERNIE: … HILLARY: pls fav/rt
@mattgallo123: Plastic silverware: because the only thing I hate more than poisoning the environment is washing dishes.