@SCBamaMan: As soon as you see the cop approaching, throw the bag of weed in his hands and do a citizen's arrest.
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@GrantTanaka: black friday is crazy, I just maced a kid then some old woman shot me with a crossbow
@djdarrellripley: (Sigh) I used to float like a butterfly and sting like a bee. Now I sleep like a bear and eat like a horse...
@onedavedeep: Once she realized I was chatting her up, the Kohl's girl immediately indicated the extent of her interest: "My dad wears shirts like that"