@Abusitron: As the anesthetic knocks you out, your surgeon washes his hands and misses a really easy shot into the garbage with the paper towel.
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@DannyZuker: You can learn a lot about your kids by simply turning off the TV and talking. For example I discovered that mine are really boring.
@Brampersandon_: If I had a nickel for every time I had a nickel I would just continue getting nickels until I had all the nickels.
@DryDickRando: Hello sir. Your toddler called me a 'stinky poopyhead' at the store. I've spent 6 days formulating a comeback, and I'd like to own him now.