@Abusitron: As the anesthetic knocks you out, your surgeon washes his hands and misses a really easy shot into the garbage with the paper towel.
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@BuckyIsotope: Did your date order honey for dinner? Did your date eat the waiter when he brought the honey? Is your date a bear? You are dating a bear.
@NervousJr: Friend: your not going to believe this but my whole family was killed in a freak accident! Me: *you're
@SondraDeeMe: Me:She's better than me. BF:She's not. M:Look at those, they're incredible! BF: M:STOP STARING! -Boyfriend reading other women's tweets