@Abusitron: As the anesthetic knocks you out, your surgeon washes his hands and misses a really easy shot into the garbage with the paper towel.
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@TheTimeIGotHigh: "I was so high that I cried because I realized that snakes are just tails with faces"
@TheBoydP: Top Seven Things Men Don’t See Coming: 7. Plot twists 6. Police cruiser 5. Love 4. Trash day 3. Health issues 2. Her reaction 1. That
@JediGigi: Me: [uncontrollable sobbing] I can't see you anymore. I won't let you hurt me again. Trainer: It was a sit-up. You did 1 sit-up.