@Abusitron: As the anesthetic knocks you out, your surgeon washes his hands and misses a really easy shot into the garbage with the paper towel.
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@shariv67: God is like Justin Bieber. I have nothing against him personally, but his fan club is super annoying.
@10InchesPlus: On the bright side, every moment Bieber spends Tweeting is a moment he isn't spending recording or performing music.
@ScorpionDong: Favorite cannibal movies: 3) Cannibal Holocaust 2) Cannibal Ferox 1) She's Having a Baby
@WarrenHolstein: Burger King is preparing to introduce a new turkey burger. Pigeons are beginning to disappear.