@HatfieldAnne: “As the crow flies” means something entirely different when it's “in your living room” and you are “hiding in the closet with your cat.”
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@VaguelyFunnyDan: "I'll never forget you Jack" "Can I float on that wood too, Rose?" "I'll always remember you" "Seems like there's room for--" "Goodbye Jack"
@daemonic3: [1st date] HER: I'm such a nerd! I love when a guy talks sciency HIM: Oh haha [to waiter] A salad with umm *sweating* kilo-island dressing
@bornmiserable: You know you're on drugs when you're talking to your kids about drugs and you don't have any kids.
@truegritrumble: HER: Impress me. ME: I own a record label- HER: Ooooooo ME: er. A record labelER. It makes labels for my Abba vinyls.