@ComedicBust: As the house burned down, my wife asked me to grab the photos, but she didn't say our wedding ones. Anyway, here's my dog and I wearing hats
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@Sultani_Sails: Pretty rude of my boyfriends' wife to keep posting pics from their trip to Aruba.
@kwirkyKerri: Nothing says you married into the wrong damn family like your mother in-law crashing your honeymoon.
@jbillinson: "Yes Mr. Trump, I took Joe's pocket knife away and we'll get you some new tires for that limo right away, but I can't make him say sorry"
@lazerdoov: Break into your neighbor's house every night but don't take anything just put a cape on their dog