@JasonLastname: As the officer approached my car I took a big pull of helium from the balloon and started crying
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@ElKnuckelhombre: Damn, i got hit with the "we need to talk" from my wife. Thank God it was just about divorce. I was scared shitless it was an intervention.
@SCbchbum: According to rom coms, I haven't met the perfect guy because I've never chased an important paper down the block in a gust of wind.
@XplodingUnicorn: I love strapping my kids into their car seats. It’s the closest I can legally come to putting them in straitjackets.