@Playing_Dad: As we develop robots, we should make them out of pretzels or cotton candy that way if they become self aware we could just eat them
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@johnbiehl: Me: this a rush song? Bartender: yeah, you a fan? Me: does this answer your questions? *lifts shirt to reveal giant tattoo that says "no"*
@iwearaonesie: me: I bet other husbands don't get put in timeout! wife: I bet they don't put their mother-in-law's phone number on a Craigslist ad either!
@kayleighpuget: "Am I the only one who-?" There are over 7 billion people on earth. No. No you're not the only one.
@StarksWeek: You can tell Tim Horton's is a Canadian franchise, because my donut just apologized for making me fat.