@salamingia: As you can tell by my wrinkled shirts, I'm bad at irony.
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@rickolantern: Kids have so many food allergies these days. In 15 years you'll be able to rob a bank with a bag of peanuts.
@Black__Elvis: I was a bit upset that the condom I found in my wallet had expired but at the end of the day I'm just glad my wallet practices safe sex.
@IGotsSmarts: My car broke down today. It confessed to a series of hit-and-run murders back in 2006.