@salamingia: As you can tell by my wrinkled shirts, I'm bad at irony.
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@AndyAsAdjective: [watching The Avengers] 7YR OLD: daddy, why does Hulk get so angry? ME: probably because his kid won't stop asking questions during movies
@XnotafunnyladyX: Apparently I have a few "tells" when I'm angry. But I light things on fire when I'm happy too so don't pretend you know me.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: On your first day as a new parent, walk up to your baby and cry louder than it to assert your dominance.