@salamingia: As you can tell by my wrinkled shirts, I'm bad at irony.
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@ashleyaustrew: I'm on the snake diet. It's the one where you lie on the floor all day, eat 25% of your body weight, and hiss at anyone who comes near you.
@Topher_Writes: It's a bird. It's a plane. No its... "Steve, you're fired. Air traffic control just isn't for you."
@TheTweetOfGod: If "the word impossible is not in your vocabulary", you have a pretty limited vocabulary.
@LeBearGirdle: *Paranormal Factivity* [I walk into my bathroom] "OH MY GOD" ['WHALES ARE ACTUALLY MAMMALS' is written in blood on the mirror]