@carlyken: As you get older dating becomes a lot like Musical Chairs. The music stops, everyone sits down and you're left with the last idiot standing.
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@badbanana: Donald Trump says he'll open up secret 9/11 files. Miley Cyrus says she'll flee the country if Trump is elected. Connect the dots, people.
@rachelle_mandik: the year is 2042. a man is fired for doing "the robot" in a mixed crowd of humans and androids at the company xmas party.
@iLikeCatShirts: *Australian accent* Notice the wife in her natural habitat shaming the male husband species into doing what she wants!
@themorris23: If Jesus came back today, hipsters would be like "whatever Jesus, the book was better."