@JermHimselfish: As you get older, dirty talk turns into "Yeah baby, take that nap. Take all of it honey. You like that couch? Oh yeah, sleep on it..."
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@GABBYdaAngSaya: [After reading vows] Me: Why are you upset? Her: Me: Was it the Donald- Her: Yes, it was the Donald Duck voice.
@WheelTod: Seduce Angela Merkel by fondling the hem of her cardigan while whispering "Aren't you too pretty to be a Chancellor?"
@slotjunkierose: Spent 10 mins trying to get into my car today...finally the door opened when the person who actually owned the car unlocked it.
@markedly: Accidentally said "shh" instead of "slow down" and a kid silently ran into a glass door