@sucittaM: Ask someone if they'll watch your bag for you but never actually leave just sit there and watch your bag together with your new friend.
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@jonnysun: "the names bond, james bond" [5 min later] STARBUCKS BARISTA: i gota frappe for borbjorbple
@ericsshadow: THEM: in 186 days an asteroid is going to collide with Earth EVERYONE ELSE: *screaming* ME: *deletes MyFitnessPal app*
@Chumpstring: [parent teacher conference] TEACHER: little joey has trouble accepting responsibility for his actions PARENT: good luck dealing with that
@DanMentos: [job interview] “any public speaking experience?” not since the valedictorian speech in high school “very impressive” I yelled 'YOU SUCK'