@SarcasticAlly12: Me to my toddler: Listen up, small human. Here are some farm animal sounds you should learn to prepare you to climb the corporate ladder.

@kenradio: No one deals with rejection more than Internet Explorer requesting to be your default browser..

@JohnMayer: I understand that t-shirt guns exist but what about shooting pants at people? This seems useful too

@AndrewNadeau0: ME: So, where are the Hobbits? GUIDE: Again, that's Middle Earth. This is Central America. ME: Ooh, right. *Whispers in fear* Orc territory.

@dadtellsjokes: I’m only familiar with 25 letters in the English language. I don’t know why.