@markydoodoo: I'm aging like an avocado. By the time I finally noticed my prime it was too late.

@preritpathak: Perks of dating me: You will be the hot one

@passion8turk: This green smoothie tastes like God wants me to be fat.

@_davidlucas_: U U U U U U An American's tile rack after a Scrabble game.

@Book_Krazy: *Ok, don't let them know you're a dog* Him: The job is yours. Here's the keys to your new office. [tosses keys] *catches keys in my mouth*