@_NTFG_: Asked a vegetarian if she'd heard this song, then remembered vegos are too weak to turn on radios and way too busy playing with their lutes.
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@theshamingofjay: Me: ugh I have to wear a tie today, adulting sucks. Grandpa: I had to fight in World War II when I was 19. Me: I guess you kind of get it.
@Humor_Fetish: There's a fine line between flirty and creepy. And that line is called being good looking.
@HughGoesThere: Writer: Got this great idea for a movie... “102 Dalmations.” Walt Disney: That’s way too many dalmations.
@NickSchug: Just once in movies when someone gently shuts a dead person's eyes I want them to whisper "Ew, ew, ew, ew." while doing it.