@_RyanBryce: Asked the burd in Krispy kremes for 5 Nutella donuts and she says "have you got any nut allergies" aye pal I'm planning suicide by donut
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@TheToddWilliams: [office] ME: I'm back from vacation! BOSS: It's been 4 1/2 years! You said a week in Venice! ME: No, a week on Venus...which is 1701 days
@thatdutchperson: [making flamingos] God: bird. Adam: got it. G: but it stand still a lot. A: ok.. G: on one leg. A: how high are you? G: make it pink.
@jwoodham: The best vacation? Close your eyes and throw a dart at a map. Where did it land? Doesn't matter. Just keep your eyes closed and go to sleep.
@seamussaid: I realize not everyone is cool with Easter egg hunts, but they are vital. They help manage the egg population and keep it at healthy levels