@craigdtull: Asking me for advice is like asking broccoli to fix your bicycle.
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@chelliet22: I start conversations with my children by saying "Listen to me," to ensure they stop paying attention from the beginning.
@drunkNnaughty: I have CDO. It's like OCD, but the letters are in alphabetical order. Like they should be.
@salmarch79: Whenever my wife forces me to write my own message on a bday card, I write it on top of her's and copy exactly what she wrote.
@TheAlexNevil: Shoulder Devil: So I say "Go on--do it!" And the moron does it! Shoulder Angel: What an idiot! Me: You guys know I can hear you, right?