@backporchlady: Asking me if I want a bag for the box of tampons I just bought is like asking me if they're for here or to go.
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@Spaziotwat: I can finish The Times' crossword in under five minutes but I struggle to eat the whole paper
@KenJennings: You guys know Chumbawamba broke up because you kept spelling it "Chumbawumba," right?
@Boleyngirly: I slept like a rock last night meaning I woke up in the flower bed with the house key under my belly.
@LostLettermen: In response to McDonald's pay with hugs campaign, Nationwide will allow you to pay for insurance with DEATH.