@DadInUtah: Asking your stay-at-home wife what exactly she did all day is a fun way to bleed.
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@TheMichaelRock: HR: Do you want your name on the October birthday list? Me: Nope. HR: Why not? Me: Because I'm not in Kindergarten.
@DamienFahey: Hey white people, which filter are we using this year to Instagram the Pumpkin Spice Latte?
@panmidwest: GF: just FYI, my dad teaches at the Naval Academy [meeting her parents] ME: [lifting up shirt] does my belly button look weird to you?