@GarrettCake: "Asparagus!!!" - italian guy named Gus pleading for his life
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@TheAlexNevil: 7 barges into bathroom while I'm showering, laughs & says "I saw your peanut." He either mispronounced a word or made a hurtful observation.
@SouthernStylin1: 14 sent a text asking me to pick her up from school and added "not in your pajamas" so I'm wearing hers because good moms listen
@Elizasoul80: I don't want your undivided attention. I want your multiplied attention. Make clones of yourself and give me all of their attention too.
@flashember: *Buys map of world, pins up on wall *Throws dart, swears to visit wherever it lands *packs for wall 3 feet away *has an amazing time at wall