@GarrettCake: "Asparagus!!!" - italian guy named Gus pleading for his life
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@kirkdiedrich: The guy behind the counter asked me what I wanted on my sub and I said a collar and restraints and now I'm not allowed in Subway.
@ericarhodes: If I was a fashion designer Id call myself "who" so when celebs are asked who are they wearing they can say "Who?" "Yes who?" "Yes."
@MichaelTrying: The worst part of being named Michael is repeatedly being broken up with via a text that states *drops Mike*