@EndhooS: "Asphyxiate' would be worth like a million points..." I thought to myself as I lay choking on a Scrabble tile.
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@_TayTayJustine: How to flirt: 1. Giggle 2. Apply lip gloss 3. Look down coyly 4. Realize you applied concealer 5. Fall off barstool
@thenoahkinsey: I peeled off the sticker that said "Don't consume alcohol while on medication." I don't need that kind of negativity in my life.
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: Therapist: You have passive aggressive issues. Me (under my breath): says the woman who only listens to my troubles because I pay her.