@Sassafrantz: At 17, Joan of Arc led the French to victory and I just looked for my phone while talking on it.
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@loudmouth_usa: I read that if you have 2 hangovers a year you are an alcoholic so I'm around 104 alcoholics
@Thrill_Tweeter: H: "What do you want for Valentine's Day?" "A puppy." "Pick something else." "A different puppy."
@hythemafia: My friend was bleeding, and the first aid book told me to apply pressure... ..So I told him if he didn't stop bleeding right away, he'd die
@rhysjamesy: The Swiss must've been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.