@FunnyCauseImFat: At 1am I'm going to wake up my 2 year old by yelling his name and crying. Then, I'll crawl into his toddler bed. Let's see how he likes it.
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@CherBear162: I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out of the way much faster now.
@LeightonSaysHi: He told me he wanted a dirty girl so I didn't shower for two weeks. Now he won't return my calls. Forget women, MEN and their mixed signals!
@Ilovelamp1979: My cat just told me to stop talking during the movie. Maybe homemade psychedelics were a bad idea
@oakhillbargrill: Google just threw a drink in my face I deserved it I have no business asking those questions