@FunnyCauseImFat: At 1am I'm going to wake up my 2 year old by yelling his name and crying. Then, I'll crawl into his toddler bed. Let's see how he likes it.
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@thatUPSdude: Me: This infomercial is so stupid. *10 mins later* Me: So all I have to pay on the 2nd one is the shipping and handling?
@Jazzzzzmina: Why is it when you take a break from Twitter everyone assumes you're happy and in love... Maybe I was in jail.
@SoulYodeler: Yes I am 45, male and love cats. Recently I posted a selfie. It could be worse though, right? Hello?
@EndhooS: [See's a guy playing bagpipes] Son: Why's that man wearing a skirt? Me: I think the real question is why is he sucking that musical octopus?