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@Vodkantots: [at a funeral]
What happens to his leftover meds?
@caseytduncan: Practice makes perfect, unless you suck.
@T_N_Crumpets: Judge: how do you plead?
Me: [looks at lawyer]
Lawyer: [mouths "not guilty"]
Me: hot milky
L: *bangs head on desk* FFS just lock him up
@Death_Buddy: Optimus Prime: AUTOBOTS, ROLL OUT.
Me: *walks downstairs* where the hell is my toaster and microwave?
@MrSpoonicorn: why is there Head & Shoulders shampoo. who has hair on their shoulders. whos shampooing their shoulder hair. please come forward
@Smug_Lemur: [God creating the octopus]
Idk, maybe make it look like the time I tried to cram the old pool noddles into a trash bag.