@curlycomedy: At a restaurant I thought a family was praying at the table but then I realized they were all texting.
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@HotSnuff: Guy told me I have "Bambi eyes"...is that even a compliment? Oh god, please don't shoot my mother.
@paperphotoyo: Him: Hey *types* *deletes* *types* *deletes* *Googles a cute reply* *looks at Wikipedia* *reads up on crime scenes* *forgets to write back*
@TheTweetOfGod: "And thou shalt know those whom God has chosen for eternal salvation in the following manner: they shall retweet this." Revelation 4:12.
@iwearaonesie: wife: Would you ever want an open marriage? me *messages every girl in my phone asking if they'd have sex with me* Umm *all respond no* Nah