@curlycomedy: At a restaurant I thought a family was praying at the table but then I realized they were all texting.
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@Robert_Beau: I installed a pet door over the weekend, and the dog barked at it, and the cat pissed on it, but the raccoons have got the idea.
@Home_Halfway: If you watch Jurassic Park backwards, it's an uplifting film about dinosaurs and people who work together to rebuild an island.
@Mr_Kapowski: [press session regarding increase in shark bites] Reporter: Are there more attacks in one area? Scientist: [lips against mic] In the water