@WillMckenzieNot: At a restaurant: "Would you like a table?" "No, not at all. I came here to eat on the floor. Carpet for 5 please."
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@KandyKoehn: me: [in bed, hears a weird noise] wtf was that?! dracula: [bursts out of my closet] me: did you hear that too?! dracula: yeah wtf was that?!
@SortaBad: Avocado Toast was invented by the Deep State as a way to suppress the economic advancement of millennials