@suzieQ0007: At a wedding where the minister told everyone to stand next to the person who makes life worth living. The bartender was almost trampled.
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@conanobrienswyf: How the hell did Charles Manson get like 16 people to murder for him? I can't even get two kids to brush their teeth.
@BarndogKarck: Knew a guy who wore a shirt that just said "hentai" to work knowing his boss couldn't write him up without admitting he knew what hentai is
@skittle624: I just bought orange juice and wine. No, not for mimosa’s. Orange juice for my husband, because he is sick. Wine for me, because my husband is sick.
@jazmasta: [speaking to an attractive lady] "How can a beautiful girl like you be single?!" "Dave, I literally dumped you 5 minutes ago. Please leave"