@DurtMcHurtt: [family feud] Steve Harvey: Top 5 answers on the board, name a place you would plant evidence... Me: *buzzes first* EVIDENCE GARDEN

@TheMichaelRock: What does Miley Cyrus eat for Thanksgiving? Twerky I'll show myself out.

@GrantTanaka: Went to an Air & Space museum today, nothing was in there. I asked "So what's the exhibit?" & the guy was like "You're breathing it, man."

@itsa_talia: one time a friend asked me "how are you still single?!" and the list of reasons is still compiling in my head

@DionneMcNutt: I ran into my ex husband the other day. I could have sworn the light was green.