@atanya1111: At age 40 you gain the capacity to fall totally chemically head over heels in love with a refrigerator.
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@DurtMcHurtt: [family feud] Steve Harvey: Top 5 answers on the board, name a place you would plant evidence... Me: *buzzes first* EVIDENCE GARDEN
@GrantTanaka: Went to an Air & Space museum today, nothing was in there. I asked "So what's the exhibit?" & the guy was like "You're breathing it, man."
@itsa_talia: one time a friend asked me "how are you still single?!" and the list of reasons is still compiling in my head